Tag Archives: Long lasting marriage

Secrets to a Healthy and Long Lasting Marriage (part 2)

This is the second part of my blog on how to maintain a long lasting marriage. Believe it or not, the answer is one-sided and for most men, they will not like the answer. The answer is quite simply making the wife happy. I’ve thought of many angles in this topic and came to conclusion that the saying “happy wife means happy life” is very true.

Before you jump the conclusion that I may be on drugs, I suggest that you read my arguments below. My reasoning below may sound unfair to most men but to keep a marriage healthy and long lasting, they must be followed. So, without further due, let’s begin.

She is Always Right

If you are married, you should know by now that women are more emotional than men. Men are more practical in dealing with day to day problems. Women on the other hand tend to view things that fit their mental needs. If any of the issue at hand does not fit their mental block, women tend to voice their dissatisfaction. So, what do I mean that women are always right. Believe it or not, because women are emotional being, they tend to be more observant. They will see things that men tend to ignore, more like a sixth sense. No, women do not have “spider sense” but they do provide additional insight that men might miss.

Another point is when arguing with women, they are always right (even though they are sometimes wrong). When my wife and I have any disagreement, I find it easier to diffuse the argument by agreeing with her. This is not to say that I say things to “shut” her up, rather that I find that by agreeing with her, we could calm ourselves down and have a better discussion. Needless to say that we rarely have any arguments because we learn to know each other thoughts and tend to agree in a lot of things.

Husband Must Always Support the Wife

I believe this is a “no brainer” because supporting each other is an important part of a marriage. However, the husband must put extra effort in supporting the wife in all occasions. This could be life’s daily tasks to wife’s mental needs. For example, when I come home from work, I will help my wife in her cooking and getting the dinner ready. Even though I spend all day working, I will come home and handle all the dishes. Another example is my wife is now a fitness instructor. Believe it or not there is quite a drama in this field of work. I am her biggest fan and continue to support her in her line of work. While this seems unfair at many different levels for men, but trust me that the fruits of the labor come in multi-fold. Over the years I find it easier to be the supporter since it has become second nature of mine to support my wife.

Treat Her Like a Queen

Women sacrifice a lot when it comes to taking care of the family. To top it off, they bear the burden for the next generation. That includes carrying a human being for 9 months, bear the pain and ultimately carry the scar. There is no way for any men to experience the pain of child bearing. Naturally men should treat women like the queen. In my eyes, my wife is the most amazing person in the world. Without her I don’t think I could be any close to what I am today. Hence, I always treat her like my queen and continue to tell her how I love her. Sadly I’ve heard many news how men decide to have extra-marital affair because their wives do not look like before they were married.

Wife Always Comes First

One of the major reasons why wife and mother-in-law never get along is because they are fighting for the same person, the husband. When a couple get married, the groom’s mother feel that she lost her son to another woman. On the front the mother feels happy for the couple, but she secretly holds a grudge. Whenever the mother gets a chance, she will try insert herself in the marriage. Unfortunately this places the husband in a position to choose a side. I learned the hard way when my wife got really angry with my mother and I sided with my mother. The end result was I hurt my wife deeply we almost ended in divorce. Now I place my wife first and my mother come in second. I will be spending the rest of my life with the woman I wed, not my mother.

Will any of the points I raised above will guarantee that your marriage will last forever? I sure hope so but then I also know that all marriage is different. I continue to shower my wife with all the love she deserves and our marriage is stronger than ever.

Secrets to a Healthy and Long Lasting Marriage (part 1)

Can you make it last?

I am by no means an expert in this area, but having more than 21 years experience being married to the same person there are a few things I can teach someone who is having trouble in their marriage. Of course there are marriage counselor you can hire to save your marriage, but all they do is trying to find the root cause behind the trouble and solve them one by one. Believe it or not many problems in a marriage are usually cause by several reasons that I will highlight below. Hopefully my advice below can not only help troubled couples, they can be applied to healthy couple too.

One of the driving force in a happily married couple is their own experiences with their own parents. If the couple experienced happy and loving childhood, the couple’s own marriage will have a better chance of long lasting marriage. However, if the man or woman grew up in a broken family, the likelihood of him or her to maintain a marriage is slim. They tend to use their “bad” experience and apply it in their own marriage. With that being said, it is extremely important for any couple who is having difficult marriage to throw out all his or her upbringing experience and start anew. Without further due, let’s go.

Respect for Each Other

One of the biggest problems with a man and woman is they tend have different values when it comes to certain things. For example, some men prefer to watch football over the weekend while women tend to chat with their friends or maybe go shopping. Problems arises when they start to complain each other and disrespecting each other choices. When a couple start this route, the frustrations would continue to pile up to a boiling point that arguments become inevitable. When arguments start, hurtful words would start to fly and tears will follow. It is extremely important that the husband and wife should respect each other’s needs before make any unilateral judgement. In other words, try to wear each other’s shoes.

My wife and I are no different. Melissa loves to dance her Zumba in the house and she goes to any classes that interest her. Sometimes she will out at a gym for hours and may miss making dinner for the family. Instead of criticizing her of her choice, I continue to support her. Whenever possible, I would step in and help take care of our kids. On the other hand, I sometimes prefer quiet times after work. Melissa loves to talk about her day, but she learns to keep the conversation down if she notices that I am tired from work.

Overlook Each Other Weaknesses

No one is perfect. Each couple should know each other weaknesses and embrace them. Never use each other’s weaknesses and belittle them. This creates stress in the relationship and may snap overtime. The end result could be divorce or worse. For example, I’ve heard stories how the husband yells or criticizes the wife for poor driving to a point that the wife stopped driving altogether. Recently I read a news article how the husband keeps calling his wife “fat” after she gave birth to their first son.

Using myself as an example, my wife gained a few baby weight after our daughter was born. I’ve never use the weight gain in any of my conversation with her. In fact, I grew to love some of her curves. Instead of the negativity in the conversation, we were able to use the weight gain to jump start a healthy lifestyle. Today, Melissa is a Zumba instructor while I have been going to gym 4-5 times a week for the past 4 years.

Communicate and “Not” Communicate

Communication is key in a healthy couple. When things are not clear or there are any disagreement, open communication will usually cure all ills. Communication is a two way street, which includes active listening and active responding. If one spouse talks and the other shuts down, then there is no communication. The one-sided communication becomes “complaints” and “naggings” and are usually not healthy in a relationship.

On the other hand, there are certain things that are better not said because they will cause harm. When do you “not” communicate? Certain subjects that are sensitive to one’s belief should always be avoided. For example, if the husband feels the wife is “overweight”, find other means to encourage better lifestyle. Another example is my wife and mother-in-law are rarely on the same wavelength. I am always be careful what I should convey to my wife on what my mother said (especially negative things).

Sex, Baby!

Enjoying each other sexually is a catalyst to a healthy relationship. Sex allows a couple to communicates to each other that they are comfortable with each other and they enjoy each other intimately. This is also the time they let their guards down and learn from each other.

My work is sometimes stressful and my wife is usually busy taking care of the kids. We learn years ago that we should retire to our bedroom early to de-stress. If we are really too tired to do anything, we would tell each other instead of forcing ourselves to have intimate time. We learn to know what each other’s needs are and learn enjoy to each other.

I’ve heard of sex-less marriage (of which several of our friends are in). The marriage becomes a contract that lack understanding and love. The couple maintains the marriage as a duty instead for each other. The contract could end once they no longer need each other.

Have Fun with Each Other (but not at the expense of the other)

Laughter is what keeps life smiling. It is also important in a marriage – without laughter then the spark in the marriage is gone. Laughter also tells each other that they understand each other and what makes them “tickle”. However, laughter should be done in both ways instead of one way. For example, making jokes of your significant other could sometimes be hurtful if not kept in check.

My wife and I sometimes would bring up something funny that happened when we first dated. That rekindled our love and brought back good memories. I would never make fun of her directly as not only it is insensitive, but could be hurtful.

Have Kids

Children are the glue of the family. They remind us why we committed ourselves in a holy matrimony. Yes, having kids could be stressful and expensive. However, a marriage without kids seems pointless. While I respect those who rather have kid-less marriage, there comes a time one would wonder why getting married when there is no further commitment.

My wife and I decided early on that we will have kids – the question is how many. Once we have the first one, we knew we will have more. Now our children are mostly grown up, they remind us what my wife and I continue to commit to each other. There were a number of stressful times during my children upbringing and both my wife and I were able to solve them together as a team. Our children makes our marriage worth while.

Conclusion

These are just a few things I learned over the years after my wife and I were married. I am glad to say my wife and I continue to go strong in our marriage. There were a few ups and downs along the way but we managed to overcome them. The above are just some of the ways you can consider if you want to keep your marriage strong. In the next few posts I will go over the rests and hopefully whoever reads this will consider the above to keep their marriage life strong and forever.

I love to hear from you and let me know what works and what doesn’t.